Luigi

Yesterday, I started training a darling Portuguese Water Dog puppy named Luigi...my first experience with this breed of dog. Luigi is blessed to have owners who adore him, and believe me, there's a whole lot to adore! He's a wonderful puppy, with an even temperament and few naughty habits! His owners are wonderful people who are gentle and calm with him, and eager to learn how to train him to become the dog of their dreams.

His primary naughty habit, is jumping up on people when he greets them. This is a very common behavioral problem that bothers many owners, so I'm very accustomed to correcting it. When I arrived to start his training, Luigi happily greeted me by jumping up on me, grinning from ear to ear and wagging as hard as his little puppy rump could wag! I corrected him for jumping up on me, and he looked a little surprised, but came back and tried jumping up again. Each time he jumped up, he was corrected, and each time he kept his paws on the floor, he was praised and petted. Interestingly enough, after a little while, he decided that it wasn't worth it to come and greet me at all anymore, because he didn't want the correction, and couldn't figure out what I really wanted from him. In short, his feelings had been hurt, and he wanted to feel sorry for himself and pout for a while, choosing a safe zone at his owner's feet, under a chair. At this point in our relationship, I had two options, if I wanted to go forward with any training. I could either make him come out and work with me, or let him choose to forgive me and come out to work with me. I always choose the latter, because I don't train dogs through intimidation. I want them to trust me and know that I'm safe and that good things will happen if they hang around with me.

So, I tried coaxing him out with non-threatening body language, sweet talk and basic little cookies that I knew he liked. It wasn't working. He laid under his owner's chair, looking at me with a very wary look, one that said, "Nope. I'm not moving from this spot. I don't trust you." In a short time, I knew I needed to change my tactic, and I got out a different type of treat...a meaty, beef jerky type of treat. I tossed him a bite. It took him a moment to find it and sniff it, but then he gobbled it, and looked at me for more. I tossed him another bite. He gobbled it up, and came to greet me...all four paws on the floor, wagging, and willing to forgive me for hurting his feelings. The rest of our training session was outstanding! He's a happy little worker, who loves people, treats and attention, but not necessarily in that order!! He's an amazing puppy who has a future so bright it would blind us!

The lesson I learned from this experience is one many dogs have taught me, but sadly, as a human, I'm sometimes slow to learn. Sometimes a friend or stranger hurts my feelings too, and, depending on how deep the hurt goes, sometimes I'm going to stay in my "safe zone" and observe from a distance. Sometimes, like Luigi, I don't understand who they are, and why they did such a hurtful thing to me. Trust comes slowly with me...especially after a deep hurt. I keep my distance. The walls come up and stay up. I don't always come out for non-threatening body language, or sweet talk, or basic, dry little cookies that I might otherwise like. Sometimes, when I've been really hurt, it takes a really big apology to fix the hurt feelings and create or restore trust. Flowers, a card, ice cream, chocolate, dinner out...you get the idea. No insult to Luigi, but I'm not big on meaty, beef jerky treats!!

The other thing that I'm seeing, though, is that when I hurt someone, I need to see if the hurt I've caused has put them in their "safe zone" too. Just like Luigi, I might need to look at my body language, and ramp up the "treat" to mend the fence and help someone else feel safe again. I might have to really work to create or restore their trust in me. All relationships are two way streets, and sometimes, it's just not good to leave someone in their safe zone for long. Luigi was quick to forgive, but I did have to work to bring him to a point where he felt safe enough that he could. Once he reached that point, we had a wonderful time together and a great training session with fun and some good laughs all the way around.

This week, without realizing it, I hurt my daughter. I completely misunderstood her level of hurt, and teased her, thinking she was joking along. It was only after a bit that she made it clear that she was hurt. My initial thought was, "Good grief! You are really over-reacting!" I was completely ready to just let her pout until she was ready to be over it. But, Luigi taught me, that you can't go forward until the feelings are fixed, and it's best to fix them right away when you realize they're hurt. I guess I need to get a card and a Starbucks gift card in the mail today...

Thanks Luigi! I'm a better mom because of you!!